Saturday, July 20, 2013

Twinning: Arnold vs Danny

Have you ever seen the movie Twins starring Arnold and Danny????? You know the one where Arnold is this absolutely amazballs specimen and then there's Danny.....The left over crapola?
Welcome to my life, except that we weren't test tube babies, we're not boys, we look almost exactly alike, and we know who our mom is, and in fact we were a complete accident. Thank you Mom and Dad for not practicing safe sex! Or maybe not, because I got the shit end of that stick.
My sister pretty much has all her shit together, and is a hippy healthy, organic, mostly sane individual (Arnold) then you have me (Danny). I'm all the crap that was left over after her decent into the world through my mom's birth canal. You wouldn't think 4 minutes was enough time to create a human made of left overs, but trust me it was. I was pushed out just to be a spare set of parts for her. Good thing colons, ovaries, uteruses, and skin are not transferable body parts.
Okay, let's be serious for a moment.... I would like to take this time to address all of the questions that we get asked when ever we go out.
Q: Oh my God are you guys twins?
A: No, we just share the same DNA and thought it would be cool to hang out in the same uterus for 9 months. Her dad is from Australia.
Q: What is it like to have a twin sister?
A: Normal, what is it like not to?
Q: Do your husbands ever get you guys mixed up?
A: Oh yeah all the time..... We even have matching vaginas so when the lights are off we like to pull the old switch a vag.
If you have anymore questions on the whole twin thing just ask.... As you can tell we ALWAYS give factual answers.
Yes we look a like, sound a like, have similar tastes in dudes (our hubs are BIFFLES), and even have the same ovarian egg dropping cycle, as evidenced by our boys being 3 days apart.
But we are still so so different:
 She recycles, hugs trees, eats dirt, and tries to see the best in everyone and everything.
I throw away everything, eat processed food, fill my body with multiple chemical medicines, and am an total judgy A-hole.
But in the end she is my other half and she COMPLETES me!!!!!! Now I must step away from this damn thing before I get all lovey and sentimental and shit.

1 comment:

  1. And that Kelli Clark, is why I just LOVE you!!!