I just went and took a smoke break, yeah yeah, smoking is bad. Trust me it would be bad for you if I didn't smoke, it keeps me sane and makes me look all cool and sophisticated. Any who, while I was outside sucking down my cancer stick I was walking in circles thinking what to write about, and considering that I work in Schenectady I did not look out of place at all. That's when it occured to me... I haven't pooped yet today. Of course I didn't, because I haven't eaten yet today. See, I had something important to do today, and with Crohn's, eating before doing something important is like playing Russian Rulette. You may be fine, but you also may wind up doubled over in pain, sweating like crazy, and shitting your pants. Today's important thing was way too important to chance making a bad impression by farting up a storm in some lady's office, so I went on an empty stomach.
Crohn's is a funny little fucker. No two people have the same symptoms and it is way too easy for people to not take it seriously because it is a chronic condition on the inside. So unless shit gets ugly and my meds stop working, and I have to get an ostomy bag you really can't tell by looking at me that I am "sick". I am lucky though, I have the most amazing GI specialist in the whole entire world.... I would so marry him if he wasn't sticking his fingers up peeps A-holes all day. He has given me meds to coat my colon from the top (pills), meds to coat my colon from the bottom (nightly fuck in the ass with an enema), meds to control the ammount of acid that creeps into my throat, meds to help with the inflamation of my colon and joints during a flare, a bunch of supplements, and the meds to counteract the side effects of the fixing meds. I am a fucking walking medicine cabinet. But hey, they are working for now and 9 days out of 10 I feel AWESOME!!!!!
It's the days that I don't feel so awesome that suck DUH..... Not only do I feel like a giant bag of smashed assholes (Thank you for that term Arnold) but those are the days that some peeps decide to be twatwaffles and tell me to just suck it up. Have you ever had food poisoning? Taken an antibiotic too long? Had a nasty stomache-bug? If you have, then you only sorta know what I feel like sometimes, so please do not tell me to suck it up. There are days that my joints hurt so bad that I can't even flip people off. Do not tell me to suck it up. There are also days that I am in the bathroom so much my ass is literally on FIRE. Do not tell me to suck it up. I have lost control of my bowels where I have shit my pants and shit in my brand new bed. Then I had to get my ass up and do laundry. Do not tell me to suck it up.
Like I said Crohn's is a funny little fucker.....But guess what? I am bigger than you Mr. Yousuckfuckingballs Crohn's. You will not beat me. You can knock me down, but I will get back up. I will not suck it the fuck up and give into you. I will fight, bring it. I gots mah spork, and nuttin but time.