Friday, July 26, 2013

Road Trippin

Last night I took a little road trip out to New Hampshire just to give my Biffle a hug. She needed a hug, and I am a hugger so it was kind of a no brainer. Here are a few things that happened on my drive through no-man's land last night:
  • The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles lost their beloved leader Splinter. I may have ran him over.... Don't worry though, I stopped and appologized before I flung him to the side of the road with a stick.
  • Vermont mountain roads are stupid.... What is the deal with having 2 lanes for 22.4 seconds only to go back to one lane and then 6 minutes later have 2 again? I just don't get it, and it is annoying.
  • Even when no other freaking radio station comes in, you can always, always find that damn put you to sleep or scare you awake classical channel
  • That one gas station that has the lit up open sign on..... Not open. But feel free to go around to the back of the building to pee, just bring your own tissues. Don't try to leave your dirty nasty tissue on the ground either, they have a garbage can back there for your convienece.
  • The dude in the Toyota RAV 4 from Jersey is a Doucheknuckle of EPIC proportions......
My trip back in the daylight was even more amazing!
  • There is A WHALE of A Sale garage sale going on today on some backroad that looked pretty sweet. I was going to stop, but there was a clown at the end of the driveway. A CLOWN... Peeps in Vt go all out for garage sales, get on it NY.... Make those garage sales awesomer.
  • I saw the most adorable pink house, I'm pretty sure a super cute old lady lives there alone, I wonder if she would want to adopt me and we could live in our little pink house, and drink tea, and have Whales of Garage Sales????
  • There were 2 super cool looking dirty hippy hitchhikers on the side of the road by a farm stand, I really wanted to pick them up, but there were two of them, and I only have one switchblade spork. As badass as I am I'm not entirely confident that I could take down 2 hippies with one spork. Please let my sister know that she needs to rectify this sitiation and get me a second switchblade spork. STAT. Now I'm sad because I bet they would have had some pretty sweet weed.... Wait????? I don't do that.
  • Goats on a roof. Does this even need anymore explanation??? GOATS ON A ROOF!!!!!! I pulled in to see how thos little mofos got up there, there is like, this whole goat jungle gym climber toy for them to get up there. Goats climb???? The lady at the farm, Joan was super sweet and told me that I could get out and visit the goats, but no sooner did I open my door a fucking chicken went running by! I don't "do" chickens. Ya wanna know what? Joan isn't super sweet, she's a god damn lunatic! Who lets chickens run around the drive way all willy nilly like that? I would have been safer with the hippie!
And you thought New York had a bunch of wierdos..........

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