Monday, August 12, 2013

I need some brother husbands

I have a lot of celebrity crushes, enough to qualify me as a crush whore of sorts. I don't think it's entirely my fault though. Hollywood has produced a hella lot of dudes that have just enough qualities to make me fall in love, but not enough to settle for just one. We all know how I feel about Joey McIntyre, you would think that with a love that time tested and deep that he would for sure be my one and only. Sadly, you're wrong, there are others, so many others. I need to find a way to morph them all together to make the "Perfect Man", but until that happens we are just going to have to settle for Brother Husbands.
Duh.... yes Joey will be Hubs #1. He's earned that spot fo sho. Those eyes, and that voice, and that smile. Yerp I's in loves. The way he looks at me when he sings, and cradles my head so perfectly each and every night is just so incredibly perfect. We've been through a lot, Joey and I. Puberty, my first kiss with a boy that wasn't Joey, the birthing of 2 live humans. He stuck by me through all of these things and more. He deserves to be my #1 hunk o burnin love.
Number 2... Vin Diesel, he is the epitome of sexiness. Dude is beyond beast, and he is so funny too. I mean have you seen The Pacifier? Hilarious. He is the sole reason I have watched any of the Fast and the Furious movies, I couldn't tell you what they are about, but I have watched him them. I was slightly disappointed in XXX, based on the title I was thinking it was going to be a 50 Shades Vin movie, but I was wrong. Oh well, he was totally hot in that one too.
Bret, oh Bret I could never forget about you. We have rocked out together for many years. Hell I even have a tattoo that says Poison. He was my original hair band lover. We go way back to 1984 when my brothers would have backyard parties and me and Arnold would crash them. We were so irresistibly cute that all the girls would let us stay and hang out with them and sing along to the radio. I go and see Bret when ever he is in town, or remotely close (Buffalo is close enough) we walk down memory lane together singing hits like Look What the Cat Dragged In, and Talk Dirty To Me. He kind of dances like he's having a seizure, and I'm pretty sure he is balding under that trademark bandanna, but what can I say, I am nothing if not epically loyal to the mens in my life. Oh AND he is a huge animal guy, I mean COME ON!?!?!?!?! Saving the animals.
You would think having 3 husbands would be enough, but I am a lady of excess. Russell Brand rounds out my top 4. I don't care what anyone says about him, dude is funny as hell! Rock of Ages??? He had me rolling. There is something about his hair, and attitude, and voice that makes me swoon. I can't really explain it, but there is a spark and he is my man. We have a connection, and it is real, so back off m'kay.
I wish I could say this was it, but it's not. There's Ryan Hurst (RIP Opie), Chris Pontius, Andrew McCarthy (Yes I named the boy after him), and Jenny McCarthy. Don't even play that you don't have a girl crush too. I think she is the ultimate female, H-O-T, funny as hell, a devoted mom, slightly twisted, and lest not forget that she is currently banging Donnie Wahlberg. It takes a special kinda woman for a job that big. I mean, dude have you seen him lately? No???? Well here ya go. Don't say I never gave you anything....
You're Welcome!
I'm beginning to think that I need to go to some sort of celeb crush anonymous meeting. Damn you Hollywood, and Music World for pushing all this sexiness in my face. How is a girl supposed to live a life of normalcy when her heart is just too big to love one man?
Wait. What am I saying? Rehab??? Hells Nah! I'm going to buy some land in wherever Polygamy isn't frown upon and we can all live happily ever after. Joey will sing to me and pet my head every night, Vin can do all the manly house stuff sans shirt, Bret can take care of our 15 dogs, and Russell will tell me stories and feed me tea and crumpets. Ya know, I think this could work out quite nicely.   

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