Friday, September 6, 2013

Fuck you Pinterest

It's back to school day for my little A-holes. I thought I was doing good this morning actually. I got up and was semi pleasant, didn't yell at anyone, and even made the little fuckers bacon. The kids got to school on time (one sans lunch money, but what the fuck ever) and I got to enjoy an hour and a half of silence. Then I went on Pinterest. Ps if you ever want to feel like absolute shit about yourself just go on pinterest, according to this site I am nothing but an epic mom fail.

Daniel's mom is a douche!
Come on.... Who the fuck does this? According to this picture, I obviously don't love my kids, because A. I didn't even give them plates this morning, let alone decorated ones, and 2. I'm pretty sure Daniel had a well balanced organic breakfast, my kids had Walmart bacon.....
Pretty sure those skewers are actually weapons there Super Mom!
Besides this just looking stupid, I have a few other issues with it. Wouldn't the cherry tomato juice get the cheese all soggy? Who the hell wants to eat soggy tomatoey cheese? How long did it take this bitch to cut them cucumbers like that? I'm sure that would have been time better spent giving her hubs a good ol fashioned BJ. Although, her husband probably left her when she decided that cutting cucumbers into little hearts for her precious little angel was more important than giving her husband a good screw.  It is driving me INSANE that there are 3 of these snacks Jesus Christ 2 or 4 not 3!!!! Bonus points for finding the last thing that is so wrong with these....

I don't know about you, but I am against eating horses....

Then there's lunch time. Were you aware that sandwich animals is the new "I love you"? Seeing a lunch like this makes me want to spork this mom right in her taint! A fucking horse sandwich? Carrots and oranges???? Where are the E.L. Fudge cookies or pudding cup for desert? If I had to guess, mom accidentally put her meth in that little yellow Tupperwear and shot up the organic dressing for the carrots by mistake. I give my kids lunch money (when I remember) they can decide for themselves what they want to eat. And if they don't want the school lunch, they can make their own. I gave them life, and now I'm supposed to give them a fancy luch too? Fuck that!

Looks a little girly for a house full of boys

And after lunch the little fuckers come home to an ultra organized backpack and schedule station. Don't worry if your kid is too stupid to read his own name, just throw his picture up there, I mean he has to at least know what he looks like right? Are there really kids in the world that actually hang their backpacks up? In my mind I see Mommy Dearest standing there with a switch screaming at them to HANG UP THE BACKPACKS. The beauty of a picture is you can't hear what is going on.

See????? I'm a mom fail. But you know what? I'm okay with that.




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